only if we run a train.
done.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How's work?
Spinning.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
