I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You don't make any sense
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