Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
