We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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