How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
