i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize