i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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