Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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