I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
