there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
