4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
