we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
