I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
