Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
