The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So. Much. Porn.
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