I heard we made out
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
A+ Viking dick
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
