did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
