good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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