I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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