she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
