I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize