I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
