If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
