I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
