All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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