just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
