I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
