wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
