My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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