the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
