I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
