I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
