It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
