Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
