Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
