The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
