I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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