I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
