I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize