so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
