just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
high people should be assigned attendants
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
