Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
