Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
