I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
