dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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