wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
