I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
