I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
