My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
