I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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