So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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