i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
