I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
