just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
