3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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