Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
