I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
