If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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