OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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