That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
