Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
