I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
