I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
